Puzzle

Evening falls and quickly the need for slumber overcomes me. As a child, I never had to be told when to go to bed. I see bedtime as a privilege rather than a chore. Slowly I go through the motions to prepare. I wash my face while a trail of watercolors cascade down my cheeks and brush my teeth like I am trying to erase something. Finally I change into my comfortable clothes and seem to sink into myself. This is me free of agendas, to-do lists, appointments, quotas, deadlines, etc. Heather unconfined.

I climb up into my bed and sink into the pillow top. I am nestled within the duvet cover and the new incredible sheets which are smooth and cool. My favorite! He turns off the lamp and climbs in beside me. As darkness overtakes us I snuggle up beside him. My head lay on his chest, my leg over his leg, our arms interlocking. Instinctively we know our places and reach for them. His breathing becomes a bit louder as his chest rises and falls. With the stillness in the room I can hear his heart beating. I listen to his heartbeat its distinctive rhythm and am lulled closer to sleep. When his heartbeat is the loudest sound which pierces my eardrums there is fear instead of the calm.

I am overwhelmed by how fragile that sound is which is the sustainer of all that I love. Then I am caught up imagining the what ifs... Without him I am like a puzzle with a missing piece. What gift I am given everyday...