still life

Weekender

2009-05-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I have been island hopping along North Carolina's serene Intercoastal Waterway with these lovely friends

and their adorable son

in this boat.

We spent lots of time hanging out on beaches that looked like this.

I enjoyed observing the names of various boats that passed us such as Big Honey, Foxy Lady, Reel Happy, Reel Dangerous, and Pole Dancers. Then when I spotted this one called "The Office" I couldn't help, but think how great it would be to have these lovely waters be your office. I mean wouldn't that be grand?

I spotted some color along the way thanks to inspiration from many of you that participated in color week last week.

I also noticed these vibrant blooms as I wandered through the streets of the quaint town of Swansboro.

After spending several days relaxing by the water, with sand between my toes, salt on my skin, seeing my first lightening bugs of the season, playing with a bubble wand, having cookouts, sticky from sunscreen, wearing a swimsuit all day I finally feel like summer is here. I hope that whatever you have filled your Memorial Day weekend with has been as refreshing as this trip has been for me.

New Addition

2009-05-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

Meet Owen Timothy Lawrence. He is the latest addition to my best friend's family and he is quite a joy. He was born on March 19th at 4:31pm and weighed a whopping 8lbs. 12 ounces and was 20 inches long.

A Letter

2009-05-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

I have not forgotten you. I promise! I have just taken a few months out for myself, but a lot has happened that I certainly want to share. First off I spent the first part of this year in Spain and France. It was marvelous to say the least and I certainly have more to come about my travels. Speaking of travels if any of you are looking to travel to France this summer, my friends, are renting their lovely place. I stayed with them the majority of the time that I was in the Provencal region so I can personally speak to their incredible accommodations. I also got to spend a bit of time at their family's place so if you are looking for something a bit larger I would highly recommend this gorgeous place. Neither will disappoint.

You may recall me moving last year. Well, after staying with my lovely gracious friends for several months I decided it was time to get my own place again. I am excited to be all moved into a great little house. It is nice to finally have all my belongings out of that ten by ten storage unit. By the end of this week my fence should be complete so that my incredible super pup will be free to roam as she pleases. This move has helped me to feel less displaced and much more settled.

Then several months back I mentioned making a career shift. A week from today that dream will be well on it's way as I begin my first class toward my Masters in Education. I would be lying if I didn't say that I am a bit apprehensive about returning to school, but I am also really excited. I have a really busy summer ahead as I will be in class four nights a week. I am excited about this new challenge and looking forward to the new opportunities that may be unveiled.

So, that is the long and short of where I have been. I have dropped into a blog or two here and there and even found a new one or two that I really like, but all and all I have been absence. So this letter is to just let you know that I have missed you, dear blog, as well as all my lovely blogging friends. I am back and I have lots more to share in the coming days, weeks, and months ahead. Thanks for your patience!

Sincerely,

Heather

Good Times

2009-01-28T14:49:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to take a quick moment to pop in here. I have been in Spain for about 2 weeks now and I am having a wonderful time. I have so much that I want to share with each of you, but for now a quick hello will have to do. I am headed to France for a few weeks on Friday. Spain has been incredible! Stay tuned for more details as well as photos in the coming days.

Interview

2009-01-02T06:04:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to ring in 2009 by participating in this interview. I found out about it over at Somi. If you have never checked out her blog I highly suggest that you head on over. Nilsa covers a little bit of everything from BlogSecret to just recently getting married and she is one of those bloggers that you will find there almost every weekday. I love that! To participate in this interview there are the following rules:

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Not too difficult, yes? So, Somi asked me the following questions.

1.) Name only one blogger you really respect and tell me why. I believe that the blogging world is similar to a collection of friends. In circles of friends there are typically different people who you would consult with on various things or for various reasons. Most recently I have huge admiration for this blog and journey. I truly admire boho girl's open heart, candor, and truth. Most recently she and her husband have adopted a lovely baby named Cedar. If you do not know the story of their adoption it is truly an incredible journey filled to the brim with amazing people. Her experiences remind me that often the road to what we long for is bumpy and drawn out, but that persistence, hope, and faith carry us through.

2.) If you had to pick a non-urban, U.S. destination in which to vacation for a week, where would you go? I would go anywhere that there were mountains, a small quaint downtown, and a lake. I can think of many places that I have been that fit this description, but I want to go somewhere new. Any suggestions that fall into this criteria???

3.) If you had $500 to spend on housing, food and entertainment for the trip mentioned in (2), how would you spend it? I would spend the majority of my money renting a small house where I could walk out my door and go on long hikes with my superpup. The remainder of my money I would spend on purchasing groceries. I love spending hours preparing a meal or making a new recipe when time is not a factor. The great thing about the mountains is that I barely need money for entertainment as I can be entertained by outdoor activites for free.

4.) Tell me about one person with whom you've lost touch. If you hope for a reunion, how would you like that reunion to take place? I was a United States Peace Corps Volunteer from September 2002 through November 2004 in Zambia. There were about 24 others that were apart of my group. I keep up with some of my fellow volunteers by phone, e-mail, or facebook, but one of my closer friends, Christina and I have completely lost touch. A bunch of us were together for New Years Eve in NYC to ring in 2005 and that was the last time that I have seen or talked to her. I would love to reunite with her. From a friendship that began in the bush of Africa we really would not need much entertainment. I would be all for a comfortable evening with no time constraints to sit outside, drink wine, and talk until there is nothing left but a comfortable silence.

5.) In 2008, what was your biggest achievement and your biggest failure/disappointment? I am going to take the liberty of beginning with the biggest disappointment first and then end on an up note here. Without a doubt the biggest disappointment of 2008 was the end of a long-term relationship with a man that I truly adored, the cancellation of our engagement, and the selling of our house. My biggest achievement in 2008 was the undercovering of a new path for myself which will include an extended trip to Europe, graduate school, and a new career path in 2009.

Well, that is it for the questions I was asked. Like I said if you are interested in participating leave a comment with your e-mail address. Happy New Year everyone!

Begin Today

2008-12-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

The print above is by Kelly Rae Roberts. I follow her blog on a daily basis as she just moved to Seattle, recently had her first book published, and continues to nurture her creative spirit. Last week she had a sale at her Etsy boutique and I ordered the print above as well as one other. I truly meant to tell each of you about the sale here, but I got distracted with Christmas and all.

In a previous post I mentioned feeling stuck. Then I had this light bulb moment if you will. Yes, a lot has happened to me this year that I had no control over. However, I can control how I respond to everything and what I do now. Then I came across the print above that said, "Begin Today" and it just resinated with me. This has become my new mantra. Now this is a bit of an abbreviated verison of my story as I have been pondering what is next for me for months.

Based on the sequence of events this year I did not want to make any rash decisions. Basically I wanted to make sure that I made changes that were not solely emotional responses and were more clearly thought out plans. All this being said about a week ago I made some huge strides toward a new journey that I am very excited about.

First off, I resigned from my job. Yes, I know that the economy sucks, but stay with me here. I have done various sales jobs for years and I always seem to like them for a while, but my enthusiasm seems to fade fast. Finally I realized that if that is happening repeatedly then I needed to do something about it. I refuse to no longer take action on the things I can control so I resigned. My boss was completely understanding and said that I was a person to him first and an employee second and that he just wanted me to be happy. I mean who says that in corporate America today? So, I am helping him finish up some things in the next few weeks and then will be leaving.

Now if you recall I mentioned taking a trip and it is almost time for this journey. Now that I do not have to be back within a certain time period I am going to be staying a bit longer, wandering a bit farther, relaxing a bit more, and generally enjoying myself.

I should be back by early Spring and you may be wondering then what? Well, I am going to pick up some odd jobs and then I am going to start grad school to get my Masters in Education. You may be thinking where in the world did this come from. I had actually always wanted to be a teacher and then somehow in college I took another route. Now I feel as if I am finally coming back to what I was meant to do. I am excited about a career that I think I can find some fulfillment in and I think that I will appreciate teaching more now that I have pursued some other avenues. I am also really excited about some of the opportunities to teach abroad, etc.

So, I am really excited about this new journey. I feel like a ton of bricks has been removed from my shoulders. I look forward to keeping each of you abreast of what comes next. Here's to beginning today...

Welcome Home

2008-12-18T03:06:00.001-08:00

I want to send out a special message to my brother in law who just returned from a 15 month deployment the other day. The photo above is one that my sister's mother in law took as the family reunited. I love the pure glee that it captured here. My sister said that my niece, Lillian, could not have been programmed to respond any better. Evidently Lillian was extremely excited to see her daddy and was smothering him with hugs and kisses. I know this special family just received the best Christmas gift ever. Welcome home Christian! I look forward to seeing you soon.

Haunted

2008-12-17T06:44:00.000-08:00

This year have been tough, raw, emotional, and exhausting to me. I have been silent for long periods trying to regroup. I have felt lost as well as completely stuck and honestly a bit miserable. Sometimes I feel like this is not the truth that people want to hear from me in person or on my blog, but it is my truth.

I have cried more in the last year than I have probably cried my entire life. That is not like me, but it is okay. I have felt pain in every crevice of my body. I am still feeling it everyday. It comes in waves of a flood of emotion. It can be spurred on by the smallest of incidents. See I am now haunted by a ghost. The memories lie everywhere. The house may have been sold, but I still see him in the smallest pieces of my everyday. He even haunts my dreams.

I open a drawer to pull out something to wear and I will see a shirt that I remember wearing when we did this or that. I took a roadtrip to see an old friend, but I had to pass the exit for the place we were supposed to say I do. I will pull on my favorite lounge wear and recall that these pants are not really mine. I will be out with friends and will see game scores for his favorite teams. Friends begin comments that they do not finish and in the silence we both know that he fills in the blanks.

I wonder when these feelings will end? When will I no longer feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat or scream at the top of lungs until I am hoarse? At what point, will I reside myself to the fact that there was nothing that I could have done differently to have changed the outcome? I look forward to a day that I can say this is how it was meant to be.

All I Want for Christmas

2008-12-12T03:38:00.000-08:00

I am noticing that a lot of my blog titles are song titles or parts of songs. This is not on purpose in case you were wondering. Anyhow, that is just a small aside which has nothing to do with this post.

Did you know that I love Christmas? Well, I do. The photo above is one of my Christmas tree last year. It is not the best photo, but you get the idea. I am lucky to have a photo of the tree at all as the lights on that tree were the lights from hell. Yes, you heard me right. I said hell. I mean a strand or two seemed to go out every single hour and this is not a joke. I would buy new lights and the same thing would happen. Now, I am a perfectionist admittedly, but I finally had to reside myself to the fact that I was going to have a fully decorated tree with lights that did not work as the light situation was truly making me loony. Now this was easier for me to accept considering that I was out of town on Christmas day and for several days both before and after.

When I was moving back in August several of my friends, who assisted, kept saying that I had more boxes labeled Christmas than anything else. They may have been correct. Honestly I am not sure what was in each box as I do not collect kick knacks or the like. However, I do have a lot of ornaments. I collect these. People have been giving me these ornaments as gifts for years which makes it even more fun. I have the NYC taxi cab to represent my internship and time in the Big Apple. Then there is the Gingerbread Man with the AIDS ribbon on his chest to remind me of my time in Africa. There is the Christmas tree that my best friend gave me that is broken in the least visible of places and it reminds me of my time in New Orleans. See that is where that tree was broken. It fell on the hardwoods of my house there as I was putting it up.

Getting the Christmas decorations out every year is one of my favorite things. I love decorating my house and taking the trip down memory lane that many of my ornaments offer. Unfortunately, since all my stuff is sitting in a 10x15 storage unit this Chritmas I am missing doing this. Somehow, it doesn't feel quite like Christmas for me without such traditions. Then I recall several other years that I did not go through the motions that I mentioned above. There was my time in the Peace Corps where there was no traditional Christmas celebration for two years. I recall that I spent my second Christmas there seeing the Indian Ocean for the first time.

So this holiday season as I am missing parts of my traditions I am reminded that none of these things are truly what make Christmas Christmas anyhow. Everytime that I feel some tiny bit of longing I recall all that I truly have to be thankful for.

What traditions make it seem like Christmas to you? What are you most thankful for this year?

Goals

2008-12-11T03:56:00.000-08:00

I was absent from this blog for a while. I apologize, but I have been processing some things. Often that is not the best time for me to blog as my thoughts about things can change from moment to moment. I did want to update you on a thing or two. I completed the 40 mile bike ride that I mentioned a while back. It was really a fun day. We had a group of about 5 women that did this ride together. The ride took place in Yadkinville, NC and the countryside was the perfect backdrop on an October day. By the time we arrived back at the vineyard and had lunch it was freezing so I choose to skip the wine tasting. I waited till I was back inside cuddled up by a warm fire to have my wine. Call me picky if you like. This was the first organized ride that I have ever participated in and I think that I would like to do this more often.

Now as far as the half marathon that I mentioned I have gotten behind. Ok, maybe behind is a bit too generous I have not really been doing the training that I should have. So, I will defintely not be participating in the half marathon in Charlotte this weekend. I must admit that I am a bit disappointed in myself for just letting this slide by, but I have some friends doing a half marathon in Virgina Beach in March so I am hoping to be more diligent about my training this time around and be ready for this.

I have gained some of the weight that I lost back. It is frustrating, but it is also my own fault. My health and fitness is something that has to be a consideration everyday and with each thing that I eat. When I forget this I suffer. I have thought about looking into some new forms of exercise such as yoga. What do you love doing that helps keep you fit?

Family Fun

2008-12-10T04:52:00.000-08:00

For those of you who follow along here on a regular basis or who know me personally know my best friend. If you know her then you know how incredible she is and if you do not know her then I wish you the opportunity someday. She is funny, caring, brillant, fun, a great listener, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Over the past few months, she along with her fabulous husband (whom I keep telling I want to clone, but he says he is too tired) and their lovely daughter have opened their home to me as well.

Since the selling of my home I have been staying with this lovely family of three. It has been nice to have such a support network at home as well as have a place to relax until I determine what my next move is. Many people ask how is it living there and I think that they are waiting for some huge drama to spill out, but it is perfectly normal and comfortable. We have decided that people really are not meant to live in their own little family units and that things work much better when there is a mini village to assist.

If you stop in over the holidays you will find all four of our stockings hanging by the fireplace. They are knit in lovely white, green, and pinks. Unless you looked very closely you would never notice the masking tape that my name is on. These are the types of things that Kristi will do to make sure that I feel at home. I will have you know that when the lettering on the masking tape did not match the embroidery on the other stockings close enough she did it again until she was happy.

So as I continue to play around with photography I had the honor of taking these three out to the park and trying to capture a few shots that they may find Christmas card worthy before the battery on my camera died. Note to self always travel with extra batteries. So without further ado please meet Kristi, Clint, Lillian, and stay tuned for the baby boy who will arrive in March.

Yes We Did

2008-12-09T03:04:00.000-08:00

In order to do this:

Some of us stood in lines like this:

And Listened to people like this:

Now there will be no more of this:

Because we finally have this:

I am still rejoicing and it has been over a month now! Such historical change seems a bit surreal to me. Where will you be for the inguration on January 20th, 2009?

Just Pay Half

2008-12-08T04:33:00.000-08:00

I know that a lot of people are looking for ways to save money at the moment or at least get more for your money these days. Admittedly I am not a big coupon clipper or anything. However, I did come across this website the other day and I thought that I would share it. If you live in the Charlotte area this is a great way to get more for your money and also possibly try out some places you normally would not.

The basic idea is that there are various restaurants, salons, fitness centers, etc. featured and they are offering gift certificates. If the gift certificate is worth fifty dollars then you only pay twenty five dollars for it. Check it out if you are interested. There are a variety of price ranges available. There are some limits on how many you can order. Maybe one of these will make a nice Christmas gift for someone on your list.

Oh, speaking of gifts I have been checking out Etsy for some great gift ideas. If you have come across neat gift ideas or you are creating your own gifts I would love to hear about them. I am still trying to check off everyone on my list. Happy Shopping!

Girls Just Wanta Have Fun

2008-12-07T03:58:00.000-08:00

In my quest to learn more about photography I have been trying to cease the moment and take photos of friends and family alike. Basically whoever I can convince to be my subject is who I shoot. During a weekend spent in the mountains I had the opportunity to photograph Julianna and her best friend Sandy. They were complete naturals. I love girls with their best friends. It doesn't seem to take them long to forget that I am even there.

Julianna is a lady very close to my heart. The biggest thing that we have in common is that we consider the same woman to be our mother although neither of us are related to her by blood. I will leave the majority of that story for a rainy day. One little tidbit for you is that Julianna was adopted from China. I still remember the day that she was strolled off that plane in Charlotte with a large group of people anxiously awaiting her arrival. We all loved her before we had even met her. That was at least twelve years ago now. Julianna has grown into one of the most incredible young ladies ever. I can't wait to see where this journey of life takes her. She is brilliant, beautiful, sweet, thoughtful, and so much fun.

Julianna and Sandy have been friends pretty much from the time that she came to the United States on. Sandy is also an amazing young lady who is certain to keep a smile on your face. I hope you enjoy a small glimpse into an incredible friendship...

To Match or Not to Match

2008-12-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have followed the tidbits of the past year, that I have shared, you know that this has been a trying year for me. Based on the events of the past months, several of my friends suggested that I attempt to resource an internet dating site such as match.com, eharmony, or chemistry.com. I must admit that I was less than eager about pursuing this option. I just think that you need to have your whole heart in it and mine is not there. Despite the conclusion that I came to I did decide to skirt over to match.com and check it out.

Some of you may have attempted this sort of dating resource before. I know that there are some success stories out there with individuals who met this way. Now, please do not misunderstand what I am saying here. I believe that such sites can be perfect, but I am just not interested at the moment. Now this is not to say that I won't be willing to try this out at some other time, but just not now.

Now if you have never checked such a site out then I truly suggest that you skip over to match.com and give it a go. Yes, I know that many who read my blog are married, have kids even, or are in committed relationships. I am just suggesting that for the sake of relating to my story here that you go and take a quick gander for yourself. You do not have to have a username or password set-up to take a look. You can just say that you are a woman (for example) seeking men (for example) within whatever area code. Now without a username and password you may not be able to really look at the details of a person's profile. However for the inexperienced out there this will give you the basic idea. Who knows maybe you'll come across someone you know.

Now, if you took my suggestion and took a look for yourself then you will be better prepared to understand the rest of my story or if you have previous experience with such sites then you may already be right here with me. So, I did exactly what I suggested each of you do and these are the things that drove me mad:

1. If everyone of your profile photos has 10 other people in them then if I where to met up with you somewhere how in the heck would I know who I was looking for?

2. I appreciate a guy who loves his mother, but can you not find a photo to use that does not include her? I don't know that just seems like a red flag to me.

3. When you are completing your profile there is a place where you can insert your annual income. Now is this really relevant? I thought that the idea was to find love, not a Sugar Daddy.

4. There is a section to talk about yourself and what you are looking for. Then there is a place where you can discuss what you do for fun, last read, as well your career, and your favorite things. Now the last part seems pretty easy and basic, however how does one really talk about yourself without giving all the intriguing info away before the first date. Also, reading some of the what someone is looking for sections are pretty interesting. I feel like I know the life story of some of these guys without ever having met them. Maybe, it's not that different from blogging then, yes?

If you have any interesting, funny, success stories, or tips regarding such sites then I would love to hear them.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

One on One

2008-10-08T03:38:00.001-07:00

Last week I finally had the opportunity to meet with this amazing woman. We had planned to spend about two hours together, but the time flew by and I think that it was closer to three hours. I truly appreciate Amy's time, knowledge, and most particularly her passion. I must admit that I was a bit nervous. All those inner demons began to swirl in my head whispering things like do you really think you can excel at this and she is going to think that there is no chance of you getting anywhere in photography. I am not really sure why I allow such thoughts to coexist with me.

Amy immediately helped to put me at ease. After spending some time talking about where I was at and also where I wanted to go we headed to Freedom Park. Amy's friend Christi, her daughter, Towne, and her friend Irene were the perfect subjects. Check out some of the shots I got below. You can also see some of Amy's photographs from that evening here.

By the way, did you check out the neat texturing that Amy did on her photos from our time together? I think that it may be time to break down and purchase some editing software. If my laptop crashes from overload I can deal with that as the situation unfolds. Just another piece or two of photography news that I wanted to share is that I begin an eight week Portrait Class on Thursday. Also my sister shared this website with me. What a neat way for someone to share their incredible talent. Stay tuned for more to come as my class begins...

Taking Flight

2008-10-07T13:43:00.001-07:00

As some of you may have discovered I love to travel. It is one of my passions. Once one trip is over I like to have another trip in the works. Last week, I booked a trip that will take me here and here. I am so excited that I can hardly wait. Although I have traveled to each of these countries before, I have never been to these cities. On top of everything I have the added bonus that close friends of mine now live in both of these places and just happen to speak the respective languages. I look forward to spending time with friends that I have missed dearly, relishing in the new places that they call home, and a full two weeks of vacation ladies and gentlemen(if in fact there are any guys that stop in now and again). I have not taken more than 3 consecutive vacation days in at least two and a half years. I think that it is time, yes??

Only one other big obstacle to conquer before the trip and that is to find my passport. I just got a new passport before going to Costa Rica as both my other ones had expired. Then during the move I made a mental note to pull out my passport when packing. Unfortunately it appears that that small detail slipped my mind. Now it seems that I am going to have to venture to my 10x15 storage unit in an attempt to locate said passport. Anyone interested in a little scavenger hunt? If you bring the magnifying glass, I will bring the beer...

Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

2008-09-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. Make no mistake, there is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road... What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Did he cross it with a hare? Did he cross it with a bear? Did he check if the road was hot? I kinda doubt it, I think not! Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told. Just one more thing I have to say, it's been bugging me to this very day. If the Chicken is a she, why do we keep saying HE?

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road . It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash, but look out for a virus called "FLEWTHECOOP" that is targeting eChicken2008, therefore, we are already working on eChicken2010.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: You mean I missed one?

I had to share this just because it provided me with a laugh and I thought that you may enjoy it too....

Working on my Fitness

2008-09-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

In college, I worked out on a consistent basis. My roommate and I were always the first up on the hall in the mornings bolting to the gym so we didn't miss spinning class. I loved those classes and how empowered working out made me feel. Unfortunately in more recent years I have been slack about working out. I do have a gym membership, but the times that I actually go are so few and far between that I believe a red alert sounds on the rare occasion that I decide to grace them with my presence as I scan my card at the front desk. The people at the desk are probably on alert in case I go into cardiac arrest during my workout.

At the beginning of 2008, I dedicated myself to loosing around 20 pounds and over the course of this year I have achieved that goal. This has mainly been done by watching what I eat more closely. Still regular working out has been left out of the mix. I know that working out will not only make me look better, but it will also make me feel better. Unfortunately, the thought of spending hours in a gym brings a source of dread to me so I decided to set some new goals.

This past weekend I went to this place and took an Intro to Climbing class. I really had a great time. The people are friendly and they are excited to have others interested in their sport. I learned a lot and was amazed at all the muscles that I used that quite frankly I didn't even know that I had. The great thing about climbing is that it is challenging, but you are so focused on how you are going to get from point A to point B that you really forget what a workout it is. I am planning to go back this week and get my certification and then use climbing as a source of cross training in the future.

Despite my love for spinning classes I have never participated in any sort of group charity ride or anything. However, a few weeks ago a friend called and asked me if I wanted to join in a ride that she does with some other ladies every year. It takes place in Yadkinville, NC and is a benefit for stroke. The ride is called Cycle for Life and if you are interested you can learn more about it here. Once I was told that the ride begins and ends at a vineyard where they have lunch and a wine tasting afterwards I decided that I couldn't turn this opportunity down. What could be better than a little ride in the outdoors, a gorgeous fall day, ladies laughing aloud, a wine tasting, and all in the name of a benefit?

Now because the bike ride and the climbing were not enough I had to add one more thing to my plate and sign up for this. Now the intro page is a bit deceiving as I have only signed up for the half marathon. I have a 12 week training schedule that I have been told is very doable, but I must admit that I am a bit nervous about this undertaking. I know that there are a lot of runners out in the blogosphere so please take some time to send me your tips as I take on this new adventure.

The real reason that I have signed up for these events is so that I have concrete dates that I am trying to achieve certain results within. I am not concerned with how long it takes me to finish, although I did read on one of the websites that if I did not finish within a certain timeline I would be asked to leave the course for my own safety. That made me a bit nervous, but what I really want is to have a specific goal that I set and achieved. I am sharing this with all of you here because by sharing these goals a bit of accountability is now there.

If any of you are interested in joining me for some or all of these adventures let me know. If not, if you have any tips for me I am all ears. Here's to fitness....

These Days

2008-09-20T06:38:00.000-07:00

These days I have been working on ammending my dreams by reaching deep into the depths of my soul to recall who I want to be. During all this soul searching one of the first things that came to my mind was I wanted to spend more time learning about photography. Over the course of the last year I have purchased a new camera and taken an Introduction to Photography class here. I have also followed the blogs and websites of many photographers all across the country. Finally a few months ago I came across this lady. I just fell in love with her amazing portrait work and the shoots she does of dogs could melt the hardest of hearts.

Then I learned that she lives right in my backyard and I could not have been happier. I decided to contact Amy and see if she does any workshops or one on one teaching. She immediately e-mailed me to say she most certainly does. We talked a bit about what I was hoping to achieve and what equipment I have at the moment. I had mentioned that I wanted a new lens and she gave me this recommendation. Amy said that she uses this lens herself, that it lets a lot more light in than some other lenses, it is great for portrait work, and it is an excellent price. I proceeded to read reviews on this lens and had purchased it within a few minutes. She has also given me some recommendations for some photo editing software. I just have to determine if it may slow down an already slow computer even more. It may be time for a new laptop.

All that being said my new lens has already been shipped. Amy and I are meeting next week for a two hour session together in the late afternoon and early evening. I am hoping for perfect lighting. She even mentioned that she may bring along some "subjects" for our shooting pleasure. I came across these fun camera straps the other day. I signed up for the give away and unfortunately out of the eight hundred and some odd people who commented I was not the winner. So, I headed over to the Etsy site, but all the funky colorful designs I liked were gone. I am a bit bummed, but I will have to continue to check back. That is just another example of the power of the blogosphere from helping sell others really cool designs to connecting me with some really neat people.

So, as I look over my blog I notice that there is a serious lack of photos taken recently therefore over the course of the weekend I am dedicated to getting back to the basics and just taking more photos again. After all, they say practice makes perfect. Here's to wonderful weather and a fabulous weekend!

What Not To Do

2008-09-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

So, I briefly mentioned that I was going on a date. Well, I went. We met for sushi and well...it sucked. I forgot how much I absolutely hate dating. If this date is any indicator of what future experiences may be like then sign me up for the convent. I AM NOT INTERESTED!!! I am going to create a "What Not To DO" list for a dating. This is sure to be ongoing so stay tuned...

1. Absolutely positively do not wear jeans and a t-shirt for a first date unless you are meeting somewhere to watch a football game or something. Jeans and a polo would have worked or jeans and a button down, but jeans and a t-shirt make me feel like this is equal to being at home working in the yard in your book.

2. Do not even consider ordering for me unless I have to dart to the ladies room before the waitress takes my order and I tell you what I would like. Just because you know a lot about sushi does not mean that I know nothing. It also does not mean that I have no preference over what rolls and pieces we order. I am very independent and have an opinion on almost everything. In addition, one's lack of interest in my preferences comes off as very self centered.

3. Refrain from being overly complimentary in regards to physical appearance. It seems insincere as well as makes me uncomfortable when I barely know you. A you look nice tonight is enough. Much more than that on a first date seems like you have an ulterior motive.

What would you add to a "What Not To Do" on a date list? Can you recall things that drove you mad or still do? How do you feel about dating? Am I alone in thinking that dating completely stinks?

Signs

2008-09-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today I grabbed lunch by myself at a local Chinese restaurant. I was sitting there reading a book that a dear friend gave me called, "My Horizontal Life" by Chelsea Handler. For those who don't know her she was on "Girls Behaving Badly" and she is comedian. I must admit that she is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. Her book is one of those that literally has me laughing out loud in public places all by myself. I have gotten stared down multiple times for my odd behavior. I suppose laughing aloud is unacceptable. Anyhow, I must warn you that her book is a bit (OK maybe more than a bit) crude, but if you like a good laugh and are not easily offended then you may enjoy this read.

Anyhow, my lunch arrives as does my fortune cookie. For some reason I have gotten into a habit of opening my fortune cookie before I ever taste my Chinese food. In addition, after retrieving my fortune I throw the cookie away as I am just not in love with the taste. So, I open the cookie, pull out my fortune, and this is what I read, "You are headed in the right direction." It is ironic that those words are exactly the affirmation that I needed today. I understand that fortunes are like horoscopes in that many think they hold no meaning. Yet, today I choose to believe that my fortune holds some relevance for me.

It was almost exactly this time last year that I was sharing the news of my engagement with the blogosphere. The past year has been full of so many turbulences from accepting an engagement, to planning a wedding, to canceling a wedding, loosing one of my best friends, selling my house, etc. Now I am at the point where I am amending my dreams. It has been a long and confusing journey for me. I am in the beginnings stages of planning a new future for myself. I am working on booking a trip to Madrid and to France, training for a half marathon, looking into going back to school, setting up some one on one photography training, more to come on all this shortly.

So, today as I prepare to go on the first date I have been on in years with anyone other than my ex I am thankful. I needed confirmation "[that I] was headed in the right direction." What signs do you see around you or do you think such is nonsense???

Who are you?

2008-09-06T08:02:00.001-07:00

I was checking out the blog Serendipity and came across this fun quiz. The purpose of this quiz is to find out which Jane Austen character you are. I went through the list of 11 questions with a know it all attitude as I had already completed such a quiz on Facebook. According to the Facebook quiz I was Elizabeth Bennet.

"You are memorable, lovely and clever, the life of the party... you always have the perfect thing to say in every situation. Your honesty, virtue, and lively wit enable you to rise above the nonsense and bad behavior that pervade your money-seeking and often spiteful society. Nevertheless, your sharp tongue and tendency to make hasty judgments often lead you astray... if not careful, you can display qualities that you despise - pride and prejudice. But if you can get past negative first impressions, your life and love story will be epic!!!"

Then after completing the other quiz this was my result:

"You are Anne Elliot of Persuasion! Let's face it; you're easily persuaded, particularly when friends and relatives try to use "the Elliot way" against you. But this doesn't mean that you don't have conviction. Actually, your sense of duty is overwhelming. And though you won't stick your neck out too often, you have learned to speak up when it counts. To boot, you know how to handle sticky situations. You love deeply and constantly."

I think that each of the results hold a bit of truth about the person that I am, however neither seem to be entirely accurate. Try it out, just for fun and see how accurate you find your results.

Adopted???

2008-09-05T03:49:00.000-07:00

My sister and I have many things in common. We are both outspoken, like to entertain, understand the dynamics of our family better than anyone else, we enjoy long walks, time outdoors, as well as gardening, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. On the other hand, we are also drastically different. Our differences are most evident when looking at our religious, political, and social views.

Last Friday, as I headed to Richmond, I called my sister. We typically talk on a daily basis. She is a McCain supporter so I decided to ask what she thought about McCain's Vice Presidential candidate choice, Sarah Palin. She proceeded to let me know that she was not at all happy about this decision. So, I probed regarding what she was disappointed about. This is when the bomb dropped. My wonderful loving sister then said, "I don't think that women should hold such roles of authority. It is OK for women to be teachers, but not ministers, president, or vice president." At this point, I was absolutely speechless for one of the first times in my life. I think that she thought I had dropped the call because as time passed with her calling my name it took all the strength my vocal cords had to whisper, "I'm here, just speechless."

Her comment launched us into further discussion regarding exactly where she thinks the line should be drawn as far as women holding roles of authority. When our conversation was over I still did not have a clear view on where she saw that line. It is difficult for me to comprehend that it is OK for a woman to educate our future ministers, presidents, and vice presidents, but that she has no business in those roles herself. I am a firm believer in selecting the best person for the job regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, etc. I mean is that not the same as saying that Obama should not be President because he is black? Are these thoughts common amongst conservatives?

My sister states based on her biblical research she does not believe that women should hold such roles. Now I certainly do not consider myself to be an expert on biblical matters, but as the daughter of a Methodist minister I have spent a lot of my life in church and I must have completely missed those lessons. She went on to further explain that she believes that a woman's main role should be to act as a wife and a mother. Now that is all fine and dandy, but not every woman may have those opportunities. For example, whose to say that I will ever get married? One of my friends says, "The only thing worse than never marrying is marrying the wrong person". If I do not marry then the only way that I will have children is if I go to Africa and adopt. Keep in mind that I would not rule such an option out. Back to my point though, isn't being a mother a role of authority or am I completely out of the loop?

Anyhow, this whole story gets me back to the title of this post. After the said conversation I called my father and told him that I was very disappointed that he had never told me that I was adopted. I then went on to say that I was thirty years old and it was about time that I knew the truth. He was completely confused and then I explained the story to him and told him that I was certain that it was impossible for two individuals to be related and view the world from such entirely different perspectives. He was dying laughing by this point. My father knows both of us very well, but he is very aware of how different we are.

Now many may be thinking that my sister is going to kill me for sharing this story, but that is not at all the case. I told her that I was so floored by the conversation and I knew I would have to include this one on my blog. She laughed and said that was fine. She is not ashamed of her views nor am I. The thing that I find incredible about our relationship is despite our VERY different views we are able to discuss them without arguing, listening to both sides of the story, and agreeing to disagree. I wish that there was a lot more of that mentality in politics today. So what do think about women as ministers, presidents, vice presidents, etc? Am I just a crazy liberal or what?

Blogoversary

2008-09-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today is my one year blogoversary. It seemed only fitting that I go back and read my first post today. I must say that my blog has not turned out to be quite what I hoped it would be. I take total responsibility for this. I have failed to be as honest as I had hoped for. However, parts of my life have felt way too raw and personal this year to be as forthcoming as I would have preferred. This is one of the main reasons that there have been large gaps between posts. The other thing that I struggle with, as I blog, is exposing too much of others lives as this is my forum not theirs. I also have failed to dedicate as much time here as I would like getting to know other bloggers and truly participating in their stories.

Although my blog has not met up to all my expectations I think that this is typical of me, my life, and my story. I am a perfectionist and I often find myself disappointed when things do not turn out quite the way I had imagined them. At the same time, this blogging community has been a place of inspiration, creativity, and support for me. I have had the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends and make a few new ones.

Over the next year I will strive to post more consistently, be a participate on other's blogs more often, and articulate the truth of whatever is going on. This is a huge thank-you to each of you for inspiration and support. Happy Birthday Still Life!!!

P.S. This shout out is to my friend, Kelly, as the photo above was from her son's first birthday party. He had an awesome cake.

Mosaic

2008-09-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

This activity has been circling around and it provides a great opportunity to check out some of the incredible work on Flickr. I thought several of the resulting mosaics created were neat. Try it out if you want. The directions follow below.

Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search. Using only the first page of returned images, choose your favorite and copy-&-paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).

The questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10.What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

Road Trip

2008-09-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I hopped in my car and headed North to visit one of my close friends from college. Fortunately I stay in touch with about 7 women from college on a regular basis and I have the opportunity to see many of them several times a year. Everytime I take a roadtrip I am reminded of how I enjoy the freedom that the open road provides. I also love the anticipation of getting where I am headed or if no specific destination is in mind I enjoy pondering where I may end up.

After about 5 hours in my car I arrived in Richmond, VA and was greeted my one of my favorite ladies. After quickly freshening up we hopped in the car and headed to Can Can Brasserie. We arrived at the perfect time as suddenly two seats opened at the bar. I began with their basil martini and let me tell you it was delicious. The martini was followed by many more drinks, appetizers such as a cheese tray & scallops, great conversation, and laughter. After many hours we headed home for more of the same minus the scallops and cheese tray and insert a delivery of pizza late night.

On Saturday morning we got up and headed to my friend's families farm about forty five minutes outside of Richmond. This was my second trip to their farm and it was certainly a relaxing trip. Some of my friend's family was there as well. We spent our time by the pool, catching up on all the latest celebrity gossip (her mom provided a stock pile of magazines), shopping at the outlets in Williamsburg, Va, eating, napping, sipping on health drinks as her uncle called them with a splash of rum of course! Here are several more shots from the farm...

The photo above was the site where we had cocktail hour with both my friend's mother and grandmother. They are both really interesting woman with amazing stories to tell. From growing up in San Francisco, to attending Stanford, traveling the world, working on cattle ranches, picking up and moving east the stories echoed through the fields. Women never cease to amaze and inspire me. We ended a great weekend back in Richmond at Cafe Caturra which is a coffee/wine bar with a patio on the front as well as the back, an outdoor fireplace, and delicious looking food. We shared a bottle of wine and discussed the upcoming trips we are planning together to San Francisco & the Napa Valley as well as to Vegas. I am thankful for great friends, good times, and much to look forward to!

It's Official

2008-08-26T17:42:00.001-07:00

A week ago today I completed signing a zillion documents to finalize selling my first home to another couple. In some ways, I feel really relieved as I have been afforded a new sense of freedom. There is one less major thing holding me here, therefore when I am promoted picking up and moving across the country will be a lot less complicated. At the same time, I feel a bit displaced. I have driven past my old house at least twice since the paperwork was complete. I have had to talk myself out of driving by multiple other times.

During one of my stalking/drive by escapades I spotted the new owners carrying some things into the house. I wondered if they recognized my car as I drove by and if they had participated in similar activity while the house was under contract. They were a really cute couple and I could not help, but hope that they have as many great memories as I had there. When I ponder the things that I will miss most, about my house, there are two things that come to mind: the large trees shading the backyard and the chance to decorate it for another Christmas. I love Christmas and most particularly decorating for it. Some friends who helped me move said that they thought I had more boxes labeled Christmas decorations than anything else. They might be right!

This year has certainly been filled with lots of unexpected twists and turns. Many are curious about where I am headed from here. To be honest, I am not quite sure. What I do know is that I have been faced with too many decisions and for now I do not plan to make anymore decisions. I am in the process of realigning my goals. I have yet to fully understand exactly what that means for me. All I know is that I am in the midst of a discovery process. Where are you these days???

Words

2008-07-31T06:05:00.000-07:00

Today I have been thinking about my love of words and the power that I think that they hold. In my house, many of the things that hang from my walls are words that I gain strength, encouragement, or humor from. I wanted to share a few:

1. "If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you."

2. "Will work for margaritas!"

3. "What would you attempt if you knew you would not fail?"

4. "Don't listen to people who say no. Follow your dreams with passion wherever they go."

5. "You say I'm a B*tch like it's a bad thing!"

6. "This time everyone pays. Apartheid Museum Now Open."

7. "It is your truth. Your Power. Your soul. Don't let anyone's misconceptions steal it including your own."

Check out some great words of wisdom here. What sayings, quotes, words, etc. do you find joy, strength, humor, or compassion from?

Thoughts

2008-07-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive-to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." Rollo May

Disbelief

2008-07-15T14:23:00.001-07:00

So, as of today I have news that is soooo unbelievable that I am almost afraid to mention, utter, write it, etc. but I can not hold it in so here it goes: I ACCEPTTED AN OFFER ON MY HOUSE TODAY!!! Can you believe it? It has only been on the market 2 weeks. I would be lying if I did not admit that this a bit of bittersweet news. Now, I will just keep my fingers crossed that all goes smoothly from here.

Photo Booth Friday

2008-07-11T03:45:00.001-07:00

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but I am blessed with some of the best girlfriends in the world. The photos above were taken over my 30th birthday weekend in NYC several weeks ago. Five of my closest friends were there to help me celebrate turning 30th. They certainly made me feel special. This was one of the best girl weekends that I have ever been on. The photo booth moment occurred after walking across the Brooklyn Bridge and then having brunch at this really cute place. Cramming six girls into a photo booth was a feat within itself. Big thanks to all the amazing women in my life! I am not sure what I would do without you...

Love Thursday

2008-07-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

I had the honor of reading the following poem at Robin and Niko's wedding in Costa Rica. I could not resist honoring them here for a little Thursday Love.

"Love Is" by Nikki Giovanni

Some people forget that love is

tucking you in and kissing you "Good night"

no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that love is

listening and laughing and asking questions

no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is

commitment responsibility no fun at all

unless

Love is

You and me

For Sale

2008-07-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it is now official my home is on the market. As of July 1st my house became no longer my home, but my product to sell. The real estate agent said that typically you receive the most traffic during the first two weeks on the market. Of course, with this being a holiday week things have been a bit different. As a matter of fact, the first showing is occurring as I type this. I pray that those crossing the threshold of my home love it as much as I have. Selling my house is part of the closure of a previous chapter in my life. I will travel with the memories, but it is time to move on from the place.

One of my close friends is Catholic. She suggested that I go and get a St. Joseph statue. St. Joseph is the patron saint of homes. Supposedly you plant the small statue in your front yard, upside down, with St. Joseph facing your front door (unless you want to sell your neighbors homes). Once the house sells you are to dig up the statue, take it with you, and place it in your new home. I think that I will have to try this. What do I have to loose??

So, in the coming days, weeks, and hopefully not months I ask for your prayers, good energy, etc. that a fair offer will appear quickly.

Tranquilo

2008-07-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I briefly mentioned a trip to Costa Rica last week. I have to be honest by saying that I was a bit hesitate about this trip. The main reason for this is that I was going to attend the wedding of a dear friend. Although, I could not be happier for her I was afraid that observing all the wedding festivities may be difficult for me based on recent circumstances. It is funny how things work out though because this trip was exactly the thing I needed and it could not have come at a better time.

There were only 49 guests who attended the wedding and many of us made a mini vacation out of the trip by staying several additional days. I would venture to guess that half of the guests were family and the remaining half was friends. I knew a good portion of the individuals attending, but certainly not everyone. However, when you have such a small group who has the same individuals in common then it is easy to find things in common with each other. There was definitely a fun and interesting crew there.

For those who may be wondering, tranquilo is Spanish for relax and that is exactly what I did. I turned my cell phone off and did not check it again until I got back to Atlanta five days later. Also, I refused to check my e-mail although there was internet access at the hotel. I was actually so relaxed that during a massage, overlooking the ocean, I fell asleep complete with drool and all. I have never fallen asleep during a massage before. We went horseback riding. I zip lined through an incredible canopy of trees. I even zip lined upside down as well as in the Superman pose. There were moments in the sauna, mud baths, mineral spas, hours in the hot tub as well as the pool, reuniting with old friends, establishing new friendships, and most importantly a renewal of my spirit.

I enjoyed observing both my friend Robin and her now husband Niko in the days leading up to the wedding. They were completely tranquilo and enjoying themselves. As they stood to say their vows it was evident to all that they had no reservations. Watching their absolute certainty was a wake-up call for me. Why would I want to spend my life with someone who was not sure that they wanted to spend it with me? I deserve much better than that.

A new decade

2008-07-03T18:08:00.001-07:00

Visit Thirty-Something Bloggers

Renewal

2008-07-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have finally returned to this place which was previously such a creative outlet for me. The past four months have been the most difficult I have ever experienced. I have been full of so many emotions that at times I was overwhelmed. I decided that visiting with a therapist may help me to work through some of the loss that I was experiencing. She said that the end of a relationship is similar to a death and with any loss there are 5 phases that a person passes through. The phases are depression, grief, anger, denial, and acceptance. In order to heal every person must experience each phase, but you do not necessarily go through each phase in a specific order. So to give you a brief idea of what the past four months have been like would be to say there were days that I experienced all five phases in the same day. It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I was fearful of writing anything as my thoughts changed from hour to hour. I also grew up with the mentality that, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." However, I am outgrowing this rule as venting seems to pull a large weight from my shoulders.

Without overwhelming you with every personal detail I will say that finding closure has been difficult as there were months of back and forth. Finally, I saw the writing on the wall and came to the point that I am now where I decided that I had done my very best, but this was not meant to be. This was a really tough place to come to as I believed that by giving up on this relationship that I was somehow quitting. I am of the opinion that once you say yes to a marriage proposal that you should be as equally committed as you would be the day that you say your vows and each day that follows. I was the person that I just described and then I realized that things had been revealed to me and it was OK if that changed my intentions. I was not married yet and that is the biggest blessing of this whole situation.

I sent a friend some photos from my recent trip to Costa Rica and she sent me an e-mail back saying that I looked incredibly happy in the photos. She went on to say, "Not that it makes all the hell you have gone through okay, because it wasn't and isn't, but maybe there were reasons for it that we could not have seen at the time. The preparation for true and real and lasting happiness." This comment has really warmed my soul over the past few days and I believe that it is true.

I am not sure if this is typical or not, but over this whole ordeal I felt like I had lost parts of my own character. I was suddenly playing different roles with family, friends, colleagues, etc. While I was in Costa Rica I felt layers of emotions role away and part of me begin to blossom again. This trip could not have occurred at a better time. Stay tuned for more on Costa Rica...

Tagged

2008-04-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

My creativity is a bit suppressed at the moment so this is what I have for you...

4 jobs I've had:
1) Live in nanny for 4 kids (for 3 summers)
2) Server in a cafeteria line (first job)
3) United States Peace Corps Volunteer Zambia Africa
4) Sales Representative (in both the furniture & office supply industry)

4 movies I've watched more than once:
1) Dirty Racing
2) St. Elmos Fire
3) Steal Magnolias
4) Crash

4 places I've lived:
1) New Orleans, LA
2) Zambia, Africa
3) NY, NY
4) Boone, NC

4 tv shows I watch:
1) Army Wives
2) The Riches
3) Weeds
4) In Treatment

4 places I've been:
1) Zanibar, Tanzania
2) Santa Fe, New Mexico
3) Seattle, WA
4) Vancouver, Canada

4 people who email me regularly:
1) Anyone from Obama's campaign
2) Members of the train preparing for the NYC trip
3) Pottery Barn
4) Pier 1

4 of my favorite foods:
1) Rocky Road Ice Cream
2) Chicago Style Pizza
3) Crawlfish
4) Oysters

4 places I would like to visit:
1) Capetown
2) Morocco
3) Arizona
4) New Zealand

4 things I'm looking forward to in the coming year:
1) Going to Costa Rica
2) Girls trip to NYC for my 30th birthday
3) Selling my house
4) Moving into a new place

4 friends I'm tagging:
anyone who thinks it would be fun

Silence Broken

2008-04-07T18:12:00.001-07:00

To anyone who drove by my house today it would have appeared like a normal evening. Amiri and I were diligently working in the yard. It was perfect weather for yard work as the temperatures were mild and it was overcast. We spent time raking decaying leaves from the perimeter of hedges, trimming bushes, and bagging everything. Geraniums were planted in the pots flanking the doorway in brilliant colors of pink and red, yet things were not at all how they may have appeared from an outsider’s perspective.

The steps that we were taking were not merely the due diligence of any homeowner they were steps towards an end. It has been over a month ago now that he told me he had "concerns about the wedding." As the days and weeks have passed realities were unveiled which revealed glimpses of exactly what those concerns entail. I wish that I had more concrete evidence regarding when the turning point was or what sparked it. All that I am really left knowing is that his "feelings have changed about me."

All this has been devastating to say the least. My mind feels like a movie reel where scenes from a life I once new play over and over again. Our memory can often be our biggest downfall in times such as these. I retrace words spoken; actions played out, and moments spent together and wonder if all that I saw and thought was a lie. During the past weeks he has seen depression rear it's ugly and unpredictable head in his life. I am left pondering what came first, problems that he saw in our relationship or the depression? Then I wonder if the answers really matter, but oh how I long for answers. I am baffled by the stirrings he felt in his soul and how he never talked to me about them until he was unwilling to make any efforts toward change. Is that how little I mattered to him?

So the strides made in the yard today were baby steps for a new journey into unchartered territories. We are preparing to sell the house. The majority of his belongings are at a new resident. All the vendors have been contacted about the wedding that was. In the meantime, I am left at the house haunted by the ghosts that seem to occupy every single crevice of a place which used to be sacred to me. It is amazing how quickly all that we thought we knew, that was, and that we were can change.

During this difficult time my friends and family have been an incredible support system for me. I have felt guilty that suddenly all my conversations revolve around my personal crisis. I received a card from a good friend the other day and she reminded me of a conversation that we had prior to Amiri and I moving in together. I asked her something to the effect of "how one knows for sure?" She responded by saying, "you can't." She then proceeded to say, “There is an element of chance in everything we do. But, I hope that you realize (whatever the outcome) that it was worth taking the risk." Those words have brought me a tremendous amount of peace over the past few days. So, this evening I rejoice in the risks that I have taken as well as the ones in store for me in the future.

Bits & Pieces

2008-03-10T06:25:00.001-07:00

My life over the past few weeks has been a rollercoaster which has made it difficult to even begin to blog. Sometimes you just run out of words and this well has been completely dry. The ebb and flow of recent days has called for a more selfless Heather, but blogging is more of a selfish activity than a selfless one for me. I've decided to resort to a creation of lists, so here it goes...

1. I just completed "The Other Boleyn Girl" by Philippa Gregory, but I have not seen the movie. It is a really fast and interesting historical fiction read.

2. I also completed reading "Dreams of My Father" by Barack Obama. For anyone interested in learning more about his family or political background it is really a great resource.

3. My photography class is over. I included a few shots that I have taken recently. I had more photos that I wanted to share, but I deleted them before realizing that they didn't download. I am hoping to take other classes in the future. Daniel Stowe Botancial Gardens offers a variety of classes which are just a day long. I would like to take some of those over the next few months. I hate to commit to anything else as the weather warms up.

4. I was out in LA for training in junction with the management training program I was accepted into at work. Unfortunately, it was a worldwind trip that really did not allow an opportunity for any site seeing.

5. I am so happy that we are springing forward. I love the long evenings. I am really looking forward to warmer weather. Although this winter has not really been harsh in NC it has been exhausting and I am ready for spring.

Balancing Act

2008-02-10T17:33:00.000-08:00

I have been a bit overwhelmed recently by the length of my to-do lists. This explains part of my absence from blogging. The days, weeks, and even months do not seem long enough to complete everything that I want to accomplish or each moment that I want to relish in. I feel like a large portion of my weekends are spent preparing for the next week: cleaning, getting groceries, doing laundry, etc. I am struggling to find balance in my days between routine activities, work, family, friends, wedding planning, dinners, a fiancé, moments for self development, exercise, and many other things. Yes, this may be reality, but it is not a reality that I am fond of.

My regular rat race is getting to me. I am aware that a lot of my frustration is from my own need for perfection. I must find a way to let go of some things so that I can find some time to relax. I fill my days to a point that has become unhealthy. One of my colleagues asked me the other day, "Heather do you ever just stop and relax?" The question kind of caught me off guard, but the answer is not enough. If I feel this way I can not imagine how mothers with children feel. Bottom line I am striving for more balance in my days. I need to distribute the hours of my days better between the things that are most important to me.

I am certain that I am not alone in my struggle for balance in my daily life. If you have a moment please leave me a comment to let me know what helps you balance this juggling act?

Skyline and Car trails

2008-02-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

2008 is shaping up to be a very interesting year. The photo above is a sample of some things that we worked on in photography class last week. Although, it was a really cold evening to be out taking photos we had a great time photographing the Charlotte skyline. I must admit that I was exhausted before heading to my class and I was lacking my usual enthusiasm, however as soon as I got behind my tripod I began to relax.

I love city skylines. I often intentionally take certain routes home so that I can get a glimpse of my favorite views of Charlotte's skyline. However, this year may find our car trailing on unfamiliar roads as we view new city skylines. I recently found out that I have been selected to be a part of a Management Training program for work. They selected about 25 individuals from throughout the country. The program will find me traveling to California later this month and then to Massachusetts two other times this year. The big adjustment in regards to this program is that I am being groomed for a District Sales Manager position anywhere in the country.

Although I am honored and excited about this opportunity I must admit that I feel a bit nervous. Self doubt has quickly found a place in my mind and is asking me all sorts of questions like am I really ready to manage a team of other sales professionals, what do I possibly have to teach them, etc. Then after spending many years in other cities as well as on another continent I question whether I am interested in moving once again.

At the moment, I am letting this new challenge sink in. I am trying not to entertain too many what ifs until there is an actual offer on the table. Once there is an actual offer to review then I can spend more time balancing the pros and cons. For now I continue to relish in the comfort of a great network of friends and family close by.

Assignment #1

2008-01-23T18:30:00.001-08:00

The word photography comes from two Greek words which mean to write with light. How perfect is that? I had my second photography class tonight. I absolutely love it! Our three hour sessions fly by. The three photos above were part of my homework assignment for last week. Our assignment was to manipulate the aperture (amount of light), shutter speed (length of time), and depth of field to capture various images and effects. We received several homework assignments for this week. I will post those once I have completed them. Happy clicking!

Words

2008-01-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am utterly amazed at the power of words. When placed together in the perfect arrangement, words, have the ability to paint a storybook full of pictures that make everything clear. There are passages which I have read by other bloggers that absolutely floor me. They use metaphors that would have never crossed my mind. I wish that I was more eloquent with words.

With words there also comes a huge responsibility. I have had two separate conversations recently where the power of words was the topic of discussion. The common thread in both those conversations was the realization that once something is said then it can NEVER be taken back. Yes, I know that we all know that, but do we really think about what that means? Of course, apologies can be made and accepted, but are the words that cut so deep ever really forgotten?

I know that I have been guilty of speaking before I think and I am admittedly a very opinionated individual. Yet, I must be better about thinking first. Unfortunately, I have not spent enough time thinking about the power of my own words until a potential ultimatum was placed in front of me today. Although, I know that the comment was made out of someone else's insecurity and hurt the affect that it will have on me is certain to be long-term.

Today I am deciding that this situation occurred for me to learn a crucial lesson. I want my words to create an environment of acceptance, support, love, kindness, humility, respect, and generosity. The words which we utter say worlds about the person that we are. What was said to me today is done, however what I will do with it is still evolving.

Wonderful Wednesdays

2008-01-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

Our road runner is finally back up and running. What a nice convenience. I am ecstatic as tomorrow I begin my first photography class. I called to register a few weeks ago, but there was a wait list. Thankfully, I received a call today saying that one of the individuals registered for the class had cancelled and they wanted to know whether I was still interested in the class. YES!!! I have wanted to take a photography class for years and finally the opportunity has presented itself. I will choose to take this as a sign. I like signs when they seem to be pointing in the direction I want to go. So, for the next six weeks I will be attending a three hour photography class on Wednesday evenings. Hears to new friends, challenges, and adventures...

Disconnect

2008-01-10T15:36:00.001-08:00

Our road runner has been down for several days. I am hoping that it will be up and running again tomorrow so that I can begin regularly posting again. I am feeling a bit out of the loop without my regular access to the internet.

Anthropologie

2008-01-07T04:40:00.000-08:00

After brunch with a friend yesterday I participated in a bit of retail therapy. The highlight of which was our entrance into Anthropologie. I absolutely love this store! The scents of their incredible candles overtook me the moment that I walked across the threshold. I actually purchased one that I have had my eye on for months. I now have that amazing fragrance in my own home. It is heavenly. I also took home the rug that you see above. The pattern is fun and whimsical; the colors are cheerful and bright. All I want to do when I see this design is smile ear to ear. It will go in the guestroom and hopefully make others smile as well.

Being the daydreamer that I am when I enter Anthropologie it is like I am taken into my own little oasis. I would love nothing more than to grab some of their soft pajamas off the rack and head for the dressing room to get a bit more comfortable. Then I could wander over to the house ware section and grab one of those big mugs with the large handle, make a cup of tea, pick-up an intriguing book, and go cuddle up in the amazing bohemian bedding.

The time that I spend in Anthropologie feels like it heightens at least four of my senses. From the sound of the wood floors creaking as shoppers soak everything in, to the smell of the Voluspa Santiago Huckleberry candles, to the sight of the amazing textures, patterns, and colors, to the softness of their sleepwear I am in sensory overload. If they added a bakery or coffee bar I might go into shock.

Is there a store that you love so much you dream of taking up residence there or am I the only one?

Birthday Week

2008-01-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

"To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed-this can make life a garden." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I want to highlight my best friend, Kristi, as she turned 30 yesterday. Since we believe in celebration in the form of a birthday week as opposed to one day I decided I would write this post the day after her birthday. I hope that it will add to her week of celebration. She likes to say that we became best friends when I picked her and she gave in. However, it happened we have developed an incredibly strong friendship over the past 13 years which I am eternally grateful for.

She is a woman to be admired. She is an amazing friend, a wonderful wife, an incredible mother, a thoughtful daughter. She is honest, humble, kind, funny, intelligent, and definitely fun. Kristi uncensored is my favorite. She tells it like it is and I need that. There is a strength within her which is unparalleled.

Thank you for allowing me the honor of being your friend. You have an amazing story from your past twenty nine years. I can only imagine how great the coming years will be.

What I Wear

2008-01-03T05:21:00.001-08:00

I went to the mall on New Year's Day to return a few items and although I really had not gone to purchase anything for myself I found some bargains that were too tremendous to pass up. This is a photo of my new suede Michael Kors boots that I got in brown suede as well as the black. Unfortunately, I do not believe that the photo does them justice. I find them to be classy, elegant, sexy, and incredibly beautiful! Have you found any great deals lately?

Getting to Know Me

2008-01-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

I have dappled in blogging here and there for the past few months. I love it! From the comments I receive it does not appear that many people are scanning these posts, however this blog was begun for personal growth and fulfillment so the number of readers is not a concern. However, do not misunderstand me I love receiving comments or blog love as I like to refer to it. I thought that I might start off this New Year by sharing some things that tell you a bit more about who I am. Some I am not proud of and others I would be glad to hold high like a trophy. Never the less, in this post you will get the good, bad, and the ugly all together. Let me know what you think:

1. The person who I consider my mom is not related to me at all.
2. I have not spoken to my own mother since December 2005 and discussions before that were very sporadic.
3. I have bungee jumped only once over Victoria Falls (one of the seven wonders) in Zambia.
4. My first car was a 1986 Honda Civic hatchback more affectionately known as the SkooterPooter.
5. I am afraid of the ocean and do not really like to swim in it. Many days at the beach as a child where there were strong undertows were the catalyst for this fear.
6. I will be marrying the man of my dreams 10.18.08.
7. We are going to Capetown South Africa for our honeymoon. I have never been to Capetown and he has never been to Africa.
8. I have had the same best friend since 1995 and 13 years later I still introduce her as, “my best friend, Kristi.”
9. I dated a Muslim for at least 2 years in college despite the fact my father is a Methodist Minister and was concerned about the differences our backgrounds might create.
10. I have questioned my faith left and right and at the end of the day I still believe.
11. I would be happy to go to bed at 8pm every night.
12. Since beginning to blog I have become somewhat obsessed with the computer and learning how to do new things on it. I am afraid I have become a bit like some people are with the television which I hate.
13. I turn 30 this June.
14. I am terrified of walking down the aisle at my own wedding with everyone staring at me yet so excited to be walking toward such an amazing individual.
15. I do not cry a lot, but the frequency of my tears seem to increase the older I get. When I do cry there are no sweet tears like you see in the movies, just full on raw emotion.
16. As a young child I took my grandmother’s ring from her jewelry box for dress-up. Then when everyone started looking for it I became scared so I threw it out the car window as we drove down the road. I still feel guilty for this.
17. I dream of excelling at photography and creative writing and doing that full-time yet I fear not being good enough.
18. I can do a mean bird call.
19. I have not exercised regularly in years, but times are a changing. I am determined to be fit for 30.
20. I can not remember a time when I did not think that I needed to loose weight. It has been a constant demon haunting my life.
21. I am a child of two divorces. My parents divorced when I was 7 and then my dad and stepmother divorced when I was 14 or so. The first divorce was hard, but the second was devastating to me.
22. My favorite season is fall. I love the crisp feel in the air. The smell of the first fires of the season. The brilliant color of the leaves and their gentle path as they descend to the ground.
23. I have had two other dogs as an adult besides Avery. The first one I got not long after college unfortunately my lifestyle was not conductive to having a dog at that point. I traveled a lot for work so I had to find another home for her. The second I got for Valentine’s Day last year, but he was mean so we had to return him. When we got Avery I was deathly afraid of failing as a pet owner once again.
24. There are very few movies that I will watch a second time. There are so many to see that I think I should spend my time watching something that I have not seen.
25. I love music, but rarely know the artist name who wrote any songs even if I know every word to their song.
26. Heavenly Hash Ice Cream is hands down my favorite dessert. Sealtest use to make the best, however I have not been able to find that brand in years. For those who do not know Heavenly Hash is similar to Rocky Road, but even better.
27. My junior prom date was struck by lightning and survived without any complications. My father use to like to tell that story to guys who I dated. I think that he was trying to establish a bit of fear and reverence in them.
28. I spend a good amount of time reading other blogs or blurking if you must. However, I do not spend enough time commenting.
29. I have never felt more concerned about my actions and how they affect others until I was proposed to. I have a huge responsibility to not only enrich my own life, but to help enrich someone else’s life. Just by the nature of marriage and spending indefinite amounts of time together both of our actions reflect on the other person thus affecting the other. I am humbled by the task at hand.

Puzzle

2008-01-02T03:46:00.001-08:00

Evening falls and quickly the need for slumber overcomes me. As a child, I never had to be told when to go to bed. I see bedtime as a privilege rather than a chore. Slowly I go through the motions to prepare. I wash my face while a trail of watercolors cascade down my cheeks and brush my teeth like I am trying to erase something. Finally I change into my comfortable clothes and seem to sink into myself. This is me free of agendas, to-do lists, appointments, quotas, deadlines, etc. Heather unconfined.

I climb up into my bed and sink into the pillow top. I am nestled within the duvet cover and the new incredible sheets which are smooth and cool. My favorite! He turns off the lamp and climbs in beside me. As darkness overtakes us I snuggle up beside him. My head lay on his chest, my leg over his leg, our arms interlocking. Instinctively we know our places and reach for them. His breathing becomes a bit louder as his chest rises and falls. With the stillness in the room I can hear his heart beating. I listen to his heartbeat its distinctive rhythm and am lulled closer to sleep. When his heartbeat is the loudest sound which pierces my eardrums there is fear instead of the calm.

I am overwhelmed by how fragile that sound is which is the sustainer of all that I love. Then I am caught up imagining the what ifs... Without him I am like a puzzle with a missing piece. What gift I am given everyday...

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T08:44:00.001-08:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

These are just some highlights from 2007. It was a great year, but we are tagging 2008 as the year of special moments. I can't wait to recap 2008 next year at this time. Happy New Year to each of you!

Festivities

2007-12-29T08:56:00.000-08:00

What a marvelous Christmas this was! I hope that each of yours were equally enjoyable. There was travel, laughter, catching up with old and new friends alike, family, delicious food, splendid color, caroling, dancing, and most importantly joy. As we sat around the dining room table on Christmas morning we discussed all the things that we were thankful for this year. I know that we could have been there forever as there is so much. It was my turn and then there were tears of joy and thankfulness for Amiri and all that he means to me, for his parents and for my future brother-in-law. I stand in awe of all that this past year has brought and of the many blessings in my life. I am now looking forward to all that 2008 will bring.

Tidbits

2007-12-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

"If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet then you must write it." Toni Morrison

Give Me Christmas

2007-12-04T04:36:00.000-08:00

The mentality of "to whom much is given, much is expected" is a social expectation within the rural villages of Zambia. It is not surprising for someone who you do not know to ask for money, salt, sugar, etc. In the event, that you are in the midst of eating dinner or even preparing it no matter how much you have you are expected to invite the individual who dropped by to join you. This bit of background moves me closer to my point. Around the holidays, I could go into town and people who did not even know me would yell, "Give me Christmas". The mere fact that I was white made people assume that I was rich and in all honesty they were right by comparison.

Over the holidays I often think of people saying to me, "Give me Christmas". In Zambia, something as small as a piece of candy would have made them feel like I had given them Christmas. I love the holidays. I enjoy decorating, entertaining, finding that perfect gift for each person on my list, baking, singing Christmas carols, watching Christmas shows and movies, etc. However, if I didn't have any of that then what would make me feel like I experienced Christmas? You hear stories each year of people seeking the meaning or the spirit of Christmas if you will. I think that we often spend so much time searching for things that we had with us all along.

To me Christmas is about people, promise, and hope. It is about a baby born in less than regal surroundings who is "the annointed one". Even when I spent Christmas thousands of miles away, it was people who made that day special, the birth of a Savior made it significant. This holiday season I encourage you not to become overwhelmed by all there is to do or what you think is expected. Enjoy the moment. What is it going to take for you to feel like you have been given Christmas this year?

Great Reads

2007-12-03T12:23:00.001-08:00

I have had the pleasure of catching up on my reading lately. I absolutely love to read. When I read, I am taken to entirely new places, I meet new people, I learn about different cultures, and I feel like my perspective has been broadened. Reading is an incredible stress reliever for me. Several years ago I used to keep a journal that listed every book that I had read and a short summary on what it was about. I am always looking for new things to read. I could spend a fortune in book stores. I just started Jesus Land by Julia Scheeres. I know that I'm not more than fifty pages into it, but already I don't want to put it on. Here is a list of some of the books I've read lately. What books have you devoured recently?

1. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
2. The Color of Love by Gene Cheek
3. Skinny B*tch by Rory Freedman & Kim Barnouin
4. Love Walked In by Marisa De Los Santos
5. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
6. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Ba Dan

2007-12-02T04:03:00.000-08:00

It seems like yesterday that I stepped off the bus to return to my village, of Kafunda, in the Central part of Zambia. I had been in the northern part of the country attending a traditional ceremony. I was elated to return to the place which I called home. When I got off the bus I noticed the local witchdoctor and I walked over to greet him. He was known for his selling of African potatoes by the roadside. Beside his stacks of African potatoes were signs that said, "African potatoes for HIV/AIDS." I talked with the witchdoctor a bit before he made a statement that would wrench the very life from me, "I am sorry to hear about your friend, Ba Dan." As soon as he said this I knew what he meant, but I decided to protest the truth. Not my Ba Dan, not yet. Pretending as if I didn't understand I said, what do you mean? At that point the witch doctor said, Ba Dan passed away 3 days ago. The funeral was yesterday. I knew that hearing the truth aloud was more than I could handle.

I knew that I must leave immediately and go directly to Ba Dan's home. I was sure that the mourners would still be gathered. With my backpack strapped across my back I crossed the road and started down the hill to Ba Dan's house. I have never been overtaken with grief in the way that I was that day. I was sobbing and I finally had to stop as I was sure I would vomit. Instead I ended up doubled over dry heaving. I was sobbing those cries which have moments of high pitched shrills and then silence as you try to catch your breath. Someone must have heard my high pitched shrills as they came to accompany me to Ba Dan's house. The ironic thing is I remember that despite my devastation I had enough sense about me to know that I should stop and get my sarong out of my bag for this moment. Pants wouldn't have been appropriate.

As soon as I was in ear shot of his home the mourning could be heard. As I came closer they became louder and louder. Men and women sit separately to mourn yet in the same vicinity. The women are known for these gut trenching cries that can sometimes be heard in the next village. When I first heard this type of mourning I thought it was a bit put on, however as time passed I realized that it was actually very therapeutic. The harsh realities of life in African villages don't allow much time for sorrow and grief. There are crops to plant, clothes to wash, water to carry, places to weed, etc. They only have those very few days surrounding a funeral to mourn. If they choose otherwise they would not survive.

Upon my arrival I took my rightful place among the mourners and began to sob. There was something very freeing about this type of mourning. There was no one there telling me that I need to try to keep it together. I now detest funerals here where people tell me to try to keep myself together. What is so wrong with sadness and loss and why do we have such a hard time allowing people to feel those emotions? My time crying in junction with everyone else who could understand how I felt was exactly what I needed. The part that was a bit of an adjustment was following because everyone seemed to move on as nothing had happened, but I came to understand later that moving on as if nothing had happened was the only option in order to survive.

You may wonder where the joy and celebration are within this story. That came for me a few months later. His sister in law was pregnant and she gave birth about a month and half after Ba Dan's death. The birth happened in her very home surrounded by a circle of women huddled around her on the dirt floor. Something about that seems so fitting to me. I was fortunate enough to have been apart of that circle. After hours of labor, Bana Mumbi gave birth. Following the baby's birth was one of the longest silences I have ever experienced. With tears in my eyes I anxiously awaited the first cries knowing that if the baby didn't cry there was no medical assistance waiting on the sidelines. Finally he cried and as he did the women screamed with joy that Ba Dan had returned. What an incredible part of the circle of life that I was honored to be apart of.

Now you might be wondering what made me tell this story today. I told this story today because yesterday was World AIDS Day. AIDS is ravaging the continent of Africa and I personally saw the impact that it is having in Zambia. Although as far as I know there was no test that was done to prove this I know that Ba Dan died of AIDS. I personally witnessed the sores that he had that just wouldn't heal, how he continued to become thinner by the day, how his weakness left the manual labor all to his wife. It seems that it was pneumonia that finalized his fate.

AIDS is real. There is a saying that says if you're not infected then you have been affected. Many think that the answers are simple, but I promise that the problem is much larger than it seems. I don't know the solution although I have been pondering it for years. I read an article on MSN yesterday about the AIDS epidemic in Zambia. There was a place where people could comment and one person said, "These children are of no use to anyone (speaking in regards to AIDS orphans). There are too many mouths to feed already. God has his plans. We should let God's plans play out, and help America first." I can not understand this mentality. Who says things like, "these children are of no use to anyone"? What I do know is that these are individuals that need compassion imparted on them just like everyone else.

Wedding

2007-10-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

Trying to plan a wedding is one of the more stressful tasks that I have undertaken. One moment people are telling me, "Heather, do whatever will make you and Amiri happy". However, in the next sentence I hear them saying something that completely contradicts what was said a minute before.

After much research and visiting many places, we have finally decided on the place where we will say, "I do". You can check it out online at www.hiddenriverevents.com I am very excited about the location as it is in between Asheville and Black Mountain, NC. The one thing that I was adamant about was that we get married in the mountains. If you have read my previous posts I'm sure that you understand why. It will be an outdoor affair that I hope will be a reflection of each of our spirits and most importantly fun for all. The day that we visited Hidden River it was raining so the shot above is a bit dreary, but we fell in love with the spot despite the conditions.

If any of you have any suggestions for me regarding planning, etc I am all ears. I can use all the help that I can get.

Halloween

2007-10-30T16:42:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween! I'm looking forward to an evening of distributing candy to the neighborhood kids. I can't wait to see all the costumes. I tried to find a costume for Avery, but I couldn't find one large enough. She weighs over 40 pounds now. I am sure she is breathing a sigh of relief.

Recycle

2007-10-30T13:37:00.000-07:00

I have just begun recycling. I know I know I can hear everyone's screams of disappointment through cyberspace. I understand that this is part of my social responsibility unfortunately it is something that I have taken way too lightly. In the past couple of weeks I have been amazed at how quickly I can fill up the recycling bin and horrified to think of how much I had previously thrown away.

When I was in the Peace Corps it was my responsibility to burn all of my trash. There was no garbage collection where I could casually pull my items to the road with little consideration of how much waste I was contributing to the local landfills. In Zambia, where I did most of my shopping in local markets and there was little to no packaging I was amazed at how much trash I could accumulate. As I make small steps to being a more environmentally aware individual tell me what steps you are taking.

Girl's Weekend

2007-10-30T05:38:00.001-07:00

I have been absent from the blogging world for weeks now. My free time has been consumed with preliminary wedding planning. Thankfully the past weekend provided a much welcomed escape with the annual girl’s weekend with all my college friends from Salem College. We have a group of eight girls who get together at least once a year and then many of us have opportunities to catch up throughout the year in groupings of two or three. I would say that most of us correspond through e-mail or by phone several times a week. Our group has expanded since college with the addition of two adorable little girls.

Anytime you have a combination of eight people you get an interesting mix of personalities and opinions. Some of us are conservative while some are more liberal, some are religious and others a bit more spiritual. We come from a variety of family backgrounds anywhere from your traditional family unit to homes of divorce and single parents. There are those of us with siblings and those without.

Despite everything there is something that pulls each of us together. We embrace honesty that I dare say you find with many others. We discuss things that many of us admit we would be unlikely to share with others. Regardless, of differing opinions or views, other commitments, or distance there is a draw that causes us to put our regular routines on hold for one weekend and reunite. I hope that we continue to make this get together a priority. I know that I always leave the weekend feeling like it flew by, a bit tired from the late nights, bloated from lots of good food and drinks, but also inspired and refueled for all that life throws at me each day.

"The reward of friendship is itself. The woman who hopes for anything else does not understand what true friendship is." AILRED OF RIEVAULX (c.1110-1167)

Racial Tension

2007-10-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Please check out this link when you have a chance and read the article. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20218937/site/newsweek/page/0/
Some of you may be aware of what has been going on in Jena, LA and some may not.

On August 28, 1963 as Martin Luther King, Jr. lead a massive march on Washington he declared his "I Have a Dream Speech" from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I am including a small excerpt below.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

Unfortunately, 44 years later his dream has yet to be fully fulfilled. I am reminded of this on a regular basis. Mostly recently I was reminded of this as I read about the situation in Jena, LA.

On a more personal note, this Monday I was reminded that racism still continues as my own grandmother expressed her displeasure over the news of my recent engagement. I was devastated that she would decide to judge Amiri "by the color of [his] skin [rather than] the content of [his] character. This will be a constant struggle for us, however it is a small price to pay for a love like this. I wonder if Martin Luther King, Jr. was around today if he would be amazed at how far things have come or shocked by how much more there is to do.

Bushisms

2007-10-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

At a press conference in Washington, in late September, President Bush embarrassed himself and the country when he said Nelson Mandela was dead.

President Bush said that he heard somebody say, Where's Mandela? Then he responded, "Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas."

I don't even know how to respond to this so for once I will keep it short. If there is any other way to interpret this please enlighten me. For now, I'm afraid that this is just another quote to be added to the bushism books. No wonder people look at America and shake their heads.

Contentment

2007-10-01T04:55:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite quotes says, "Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have." I love the state of feeling content with where I am, how things are, what is happening, etc. There have been times in my life when I didn't feel that way and it was really quite miserable. At moments, that I've felt discontent it is amazing how all consuming those feeling of dissatisfaction can be. No matter how perfect everything in your life may seem, to others, if you don't feel content there is just this tremendous void. According to dictionary.com discontent is "a restless desire or craving for something one does not have."

I've come to the conclusion that our society often tries to push us into a state of discontentment. This happens in multiple ways such as through marketing campaigns, magazine ads, books, social expectations, etc. For example, when I was graduating from Salem College it was difficult to revel in the satisfaction of that moment because everyone was too busy asking me what I would do next. Isn't that always how it is? It's not enough to achieve this or that everyone wants to know what is next. In the field of sales, there is a common phrase in the industry that says, "What have you done for me lately?" I might have had great numbers last month, but that is all water in the bridge as we begin a new month today.

Most recently, I've really seen this, what is next mentality, with our recent engagement. When we were dating everyone wanted to know when we were getting engaged. Now that we are engaged, everyone wants to know when we are getting married. Just the other day, someone asked me when we are going to have kids. My sister says that when you have a child everyone wants to know when you will have another. It seems to be a never ending cycle. I often think these questions spur from genuine excitement, curiosity, a need to connect, and sometimes when it is from complete strangers it has to be just noisiness.

When Amiri and I were dating people often asked if we were serious and our response was, "No, we laugh and joke all the time." Some thought that that response was funny and others were annoyed that we side stepped their direct question. While we were dating I had a blast and now that we are engaged I want to enjoy this time as well instead of being so caught in what comes next that I miss the moment that we are in. Contentment seems to have a negative connotation, in our society, where it isn't OK to be satisfied with where things are because people always want more. I'm here to attest that contentment is one of my favorite states of being, how about you??

Goodbyes

2007-09-25T09:37:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know my sister, Ginger, she is an absolutely amazing person. Ginger has the ability to understand me in a way that few can. She knows the characters that helped to mold me into the person who I have become, and thus when I tell her a story it requires a much shorter preference. We talk to each other daily and she helps to ground me when I want to go crazy. Now if you met both of us you might be amazed at the similarities in some of our features or the sound of our voices. Despite our similarities, in some regards, we couldn't be more different. When I think of many of my most treasured relationships I realize that they are often with people quite different from me. There is such a beauty in relationships where one is equally respective of the others differences. Accepting someone for who they are versus persuading them to be who you want them to be is awe inspiring.

Monday, Ginger's husband, left for Iraq for 15 months. I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. It may be a bit surreal, feel like an integral puzzle piece is missing, seem devastating as well as scary, etc.? I talked with her last night and I am amazed and inspired by her strength. It is unfathomable for me to imagine the number of individuals raising their children on their own while their spouse serves in our military. There are women and men raising their families on their own everyday and not just single parents. The thought of being married and then having your spouse leave for over a year or more brings the vow for better or worse a totally new meaning. Thomas Merton said, "Perhaps I am stronger than I think." I know that this is true for Ginger as well as many others.

Big News

2007-09-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

It seems that I began this blog at the perfect time. Last night, Amiri proposed after two years of dating. It was one of those surreal moments for me. I came home after drinks and dinner with a friend and he was in a suit. He had on the tie that I gave him our first Christmas together. When I came inside there were numerous roses of varying colors as well as lilies, candles, rose petals, chocolate covered strawberries. It was the picture of romance. Next thing I know he was down on one knee and my teeth were chattering I was so nervous. It's funny how one can imagine such as event, but have no idea how they'll respond until it occurs. Of course, I said yes and I have spent my day trying to update everyone. I still feel like I'm in a dream, yet I'm sure that reality will set in once the planning begins. All I can say is without a doubt, I am the lucky one.

Favorite Thing 2

2007-09-12T14:02:00.001-07:00

I decided that it may be important to point out that the numbering on my favorite things has nothing to do with the importance of each item. They are merely numbered in relation to when they were posted. So, if anyone is concerned about my priorities, don't be.

This photo was taken in the Cataloochee Valley outside of Maggie Valley, NC. For those who don't know, I am a mountain girl at heart. When I go to the mountains I find the ability to relax rather quickly and just be. The art of just being is not something that I am very good at. When I am at home, I get caught up in to do lists and other engagements. In the mountains, I feel more calm and relaxed. A day can pass where I haven't accomplished anything tangible and that is OK with me. I also find myself less distracted and more aware of my surroundings.

I must admit that as a Carolina girl I feel partial to the North Carolina mountains. I have traveled west and seen the mountains in Colorado for example, but their mere size is intimidating. I like the approachable size of the mountains in North Carolina. The mountains are another one of those places that I can see a photo of and long to be there. What is your place of peace and serenity??

Favorite Thing 1

2007-09-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

This week I am going spend time posting some of my favorite things that ultimately make me happy. Above is a photo of the newest addition to our family, Avery. We have had her for about 2 months now and she has brought such joy. I must admit that I'm slightly obssessed with the word freedom. According to dictionary.com the defintion of freedom is the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint. Then when referring to the philosophy of freedom: it is the power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without. So, as you may have deduced I was afraid how having a dog might change my ability to do what I wished when I wished. Thankfully, I decided that the rewards would be far greater than the sacrifices and I am so happy that I did. I wonder how often I have missed out on an opportunity to grow and be enriched do to my unwillingness to let go of my freedom or to merely let go. What is holding you back these days from happiness, fulfillment, contentment, joy??

Global Awareness

2007-09-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

This evening I watched the movie, "Blood Diamond". By the end of the movie, I found myself in tears. For many who know me this may come as a surprise because the number of times that others have seen me cry is few and far between. I took a moment to consider what about the movie had gotten me so upset and I came to the realization that it was several things.

The movie was set in Sierra Leone, Africa. Just the images of the landscape gave me this longing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Do you know the feeling that I am talking about where you feel so greatly connected and apart of a place or group of people that when you are far away and you see photos you just have this intense desire to be there again?

I was in the Peace Corps in Africa from 2002 to 2004. This was a life altering experience which I may touch on further in a different post. At that time in my life, I felt much more in tune to what was happening across the globe. The longer that I am back in America the more I find myself caught up in my day to day comings and goings and the less I find myself focusing on what I think of as real issues. I have become more concerned with what new furnishings I want for my house, what new articles of clothing I want at Anthropologie, where are the hip places in town for food or drinks, and what are the best movies out at the moment. The real problem with this evolution is that it seems to all revolve around me.

Some may ponder what is wrong with such an existence. The issue is that this is not who I think that I am or at least who I want to be. I believe that I have a higher purpose which is not me centric. I remember shortly after I returned from Zambia the tsunami occured. I was outraged by the American media's response to the tsunami. The news went something like this: There has been a tsunami of disastrous proportions, now on to your local news. I felt like that the media was relatively dismissive of this natural disaster until reports began regarding the number of Americans who were there on vacation. Correct me if I am wrong, but we are apart of the human race and what happens to one of us affects us all.

So, enough of my soapbox today. I guess my point is that I find myself being less globally aware than I previously felt that I was and that is my own fault. "Blood Diamond" reminded me that I need to be more globally aware. There are over 200,000 children who are soliders in Africa, the Aparatheid ended only 13 years ago, people are hungry, dying of AIDS, and I believe that my purpose is to react. I'm not sure how, but I will continue to look along my journey for the answers to reveal themselves.

Beginnings

2007-09-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

My obession with blogs all began about 3 months ago when I attended my high school reunion. I reunited with many old friends and several of them invited me to view their blogs. I was amazed and slightly envious of the honesty that several of the bloggers used in their own writing. As I read these blogs I felt like I was turning the pages of a diary. After reading blog after blog, I felt inspired by individuals that I hardly knew. From purchasing "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert to buying a digital camera to embrace my desire to learn more about photography, blogging has opened up whole new chapters in my life.

Finally, I decided that I must create my own blog. I couldn't just spend my time reading other blogs and not offer a bit of myself as well. I certainly don't want to think of myself as a blurker. So, I opened my own page, but I have spent weeks delaying writing and then writing and deleting my first post. Why??? I feel frightened by a desire to write with as much honesty as I can muster, yet I am afraid of the consequences of such. Will friends and family who read my blog become disappointed thinking that I am not the person that they thought that I was? Maybe so, but I am going to do my best to let this space be my forum to speak freely despite the repercussions.

I hope that this blog ends up being a beautiful journey of growth and the revival of many friendships. I often find it overwhelming to keep up with all those precious and dear to me. Hopefully, this blog reconnects me with friends and family both near and far.